A View On Energy/Deities/Spellwork/Prayers

Okay so I've been meaning to do this for a long time, and I promised myself to do it by this weekend (I'm only a couple days late...)

People ask me occasionally about my beliefs, and how I feel about gods etc. I once saw someone I knew talk about someone they used to know that was not of pagan leanings, and how they viewed gods. What was said put quite a few things into place, and things kind of clicked.

But, we'll start with a bit of background - I wasn't born into a family that attended a church on pain of death, or pardon the pun - "religiously", and going was just going and depended on whether or not it was campground season or winter - we didn't pray before bed, we didn't say grace unless it was a special occasion and we were around our extended family members, we didn't read the bible. The whole thing never really clicked for me in any sense with Christianity. I enjoyed the Christmas carols and some other hymns/song, but those only happened at one time of the year (plus, I just liked singing.) It was about age 13 that I didn't feel like going at all and could finally say "No thanks" without being challenged. I felt no connection, no reaction, there was no spark. At this point I still didn't really understand a lot of my decision, aside from a disinterest, and it was about this time that I was given my first book about paganism.

Reading through it, and talking about stuff with others that I knew, neo-wicca (not that I knew the difference then between "Old School" Wicca and neo-wicca at this point) or neo-paganism also didn't really fit. I didn't enjoy the "one true god" of Christian religion, and I found flaws in goddess worship - sure paganism had two main god figures, but one always seemed to trump the other in a feminist bent. Goddess worshipping was about the same as the "one true god" of Christianity. Having two parts doesn't mean you have a whole, or even an equal sharing. It didn't click quite right either. The explaination one person gave me that before there was a male god and a female god, and the male god gave the female god his power and let her be in charge, there was one no-sex being (no-sex in this case being a twist on what I would assume to be an androgynous being or a hermaphrodidic being), and that the no-sex being halved into the male being and the female being. I was also told in high school by a Christian-Jewish classmate that in Hebrew (forgive me for not remembering her exact words) the word used for God/holy father was translated as a paternal figure, but was actually hermaphrodidic/androgynous. This satiated me a bit, but things still didn't quite fit.

This age frame was also when I was first put into contact with my current mentor. He was a mentor, but not quite to the extent he has been in the past few years, and I recall thinking him a bit of a conceited nutcase when he told me, in no uncertain terms, "one day you will be my apprentice." So you know, I kind of ignored him and plunked along, occasionally asking questions of him of an occult nature, but mostly just being a random kinda angsty teenager who was way older than her age, but trying to be her age, and having him as an acquaintance, figuring out but mostly ignoring a lot of the occult stuff. For the most part I didn't care either way about religion/"religion", or whether or not I was lacking anything. For the most I still don't panic about it, but when I do, it's a bit of a head trip.

So now that we're back to the present of people saying things that click, we'll get back to the used to be friend of a used to be friend. He presented it as this basic idea - God (this would be the "one true god") wasn't some guy in the sky, but a source of energy. It clicked. Energy, I could understand. It made sense. It described how their could be "One" as a "whole", and how there could be different "types". It satisfied my need for actually explainable-by-science needs - look at science stuff about energy. It fits. It also worked okay for my cannot-really-be-explained-by-science needs. It just fit, like Cinderella and her glass slipper (okay, that may be a stretch, but think about it - how comfortable would glass slippers really be ALL THE TIME? Plus, if the shoe doesn't fit, you're kind of like the ugly stepsisters in the non-politically correct version, cutting off toes to try and make it fit.) The "being on the same level as the gods" kinda actually made sense now.

On a slight sidestep on the topic, my mentor is fond of saying that a lot of followers of religions (both those like Christianity and Wicca types) seem to favour the thought of having some higher being that will spank them when they do something bad. We say "Do what is necessary", which goes along with Crowley's "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law". There's no threefold rule, there's no one waiting to punish you later. It's just you yourself has to be able to live with what you've done. For every action there is a consequence - but don't define consequence as "something bad that will happen", define it in such a way like "for every action there is an equal reaction" - you drop a bomb, people die; you make a pot of hot water, you can cook food or make a hot cup of tea to enjoy. You hex someone, there's a very good chance that bad things will happen. If you can't live with it, don't do it.

Oh, and for all those who go "three times three time three" for the threefold rule - it's not 3 times worse, it's not 9 times worse. Let's do the math here:

3x3x3 = 3³

3x3 = 9
9x3 = 27

It's 27 times worse.

Another note, I recently saw a discussion where people amicably disagreed on spells vs prayer - one person said they were different, one person voted they were the same. I'm mostly in the "they're about the same" group. A spell/ritual with physical actions you perform is essentially a "moving prayer". You want to summon/borrow and direct energy to a purpose, probably for the reasoning that you alone are not quite enough energy. The one participant in the discussion I mentioned above had the reasoning that a spell was only your own energy, while a prayer was (apparently) only for a deity's energy. Doesn't really work since most spells involve deities in some fashion, and in order to pray one must put forth the energy to think about it and do it (yes, repeating words out loud or in your head counts as putting forth energy!)

This may end up being a Part 1/A or something to another, but we shall see. I think my thought process on this is currently finished. But you never know.

Occult Q&A of FAQ, Part I

Okay, so this is going to be an occult post. Despite my whole "Yeah I don't really talk about the occult" entry last time. Why? Because it amuses me, that's why. So I guess I'll answer the questions/comments I get most often. And if anyone has any, leave me a comment and I'll do another post, or whatever, and answer them.

So, the FAQs... Q = Question, C = Comment to me, A = My response

Q. So, what are you?
A. Human... what are you?

Q. So as a Wiccan...
A. I'm NOT a Wiccan...

Q. So as a Pagan...
A. I'm NOT a Pagan...

Q. So as a devil worshiper...
A. ....I *AM* The Devil... which is odd in most senses given that I'm female, but I don't expect most people to understand what I mean anyways.

C. OMG THAT'S BAD! You can't hurt anyone! Magic is all puppies and kitties and rainbows and butterflies and...
A. *takes shotgun off the wall above the mantle, and loads it* There's no hope for 'em now. 'e's sufferin'. You know we gotta do it.

Okay, but seriously now, you gotta have both sides of the equation here. The light and the dark. Sometimes the right thing is not a nice thing. Also, as a non-Wiccan/non-Neo-Wiccan/non-Neo-Pagan, take your bloody rule of three and shove it up your ass. For every action there is a reaction, for every action a consequence - and by consequence I don't mean whatever you do comes back to 3 times 3 times 3 (which by the way would be TWENETY SEVEN times better/worse than what you did, not three times) I mean that if you know if you do something not so pleasant to someone, and you're going to feel guilty and whimp out following it through, don't do it. If you know you won't be able to live with what you are going to do, don't do it. Because really, it wastes your time, and the energy, and it'll probably backfire. So I mean if you do something nasty to someone, expect results. Liiike say someone does something not so nice to you, so you hex them, and short time later, there's a car accident and their injured badly and paralyzed. There's your action, there's your reaction/consequence. It doesn't always mean the reaction/consequence will happen to YOU.

Q. Can I watch?!
A. ....What...? YOU PERV! Oooooh you mean can you watch a ritual... Um, no. Just no. I'm not running a Plagan Playtime, and we're not participating in a sport (you want that, christianity is over there, down that hallway, to the left, and third door on the right...) And even if I did let you watch, it's not like you'd understand what you were seeing anyways.

Q. Can you teach me?
A. Nope. I'm still paddling around in the pond myself, there's no way I can teach you.

Q. So if you're not Wiccan of any sort, or Pagan, what are you? Witch is rather generic.
A. Shall we just say... Your worst nightmare.... and leave it at that? Or if you don't like that, I can introduce you to my friend over there who can run you around in circles faster than you blink...

Q. ZOMFG WILL YOU DO A TAROT READING FOR ME?!?!
A. Hmmm lemme check *flips out some cards* All signs point to... No. Sedrick doesn't like you. He thinks you're an idiot. See? He said so himself *points to cards*

Q. Who is Sedrick and why do you talk to him like he's a person? You don't know anyone named Sedrick.
A. Keep your voice down, Sedrick might hear you! And of course I talk to Sedrick like he's a person. Gods know he's opinionated enough. Sedrick is my tarot deck - Crowley's Thoth to be exact. He's quite an ass and a cheeky bastard. Some days I want to rename him Trystn, but he [Sedrick] doesn't like that idea. And anyone who says a tarot deck is an inanimate object has obviously never worked with a deck that has a personality - as in it retaliates when it gets annoyed. And it insults you *shoots a dirty look at Sedrick* (He's in time out right now...)

Q. Which gods do you worship?
A. Erm... none. Not the way most Plagans do anyways. Groveling... not my style. Now some of us do however have "patron" and "matron" gods/spirits, and well, I could tell you, but that'd be telling. And they'd probably eat you for breakfast. Or maybe more like midnight snacks...

C. Tell me EVERYTHING!
A. Now why would I want to do THAT? That takes all the fun out of tormenting you.

Q. I'm Goddess-loved. What are you?
A. Ready to shoot in 3-2-1....

C. But I don't like *insert aspect of conversation/ritual/occult related thing here*...
A. ...So why are you talking to me about this, or trying to work with this...? You knew, it was going to come up/be involved...

C. I was Cleopatra in a past life!
A. Darling, we were ALL Cleopatra in a past life... (Okay, so I stole that one lol)

C. And in my past lives I've always been some form of animal and....
A. Uhhuh.... uhhuh... Zzzzzzzz... Awha?! Sorry, I dozed of--Zzzzzzzz

C. Who's your favourite author(s)? I *LOVE LOVE LOVE* Silver Ravenwolf and Fiona Horne and....
A. *Backs away slowly and reaches for the shotgun* .....
C. ...What? They're the most popular and readily available, therefore they have to be the bestest!!
A. No, no that's not how it works...

C. But as Witches/"witches" that means we can't believe in Jesus, and must go against everything that is at all related to Christianity!
A. Actually... some of Jesus' stuff wasn't too bad. Unfortunately no one else seemed to understand and it was all twisted and contorted into lovely control devices. As for the rest of it, I have no time for those who must sqwack about how "different" they are from everything else and how they're oh so original and new and different and have nothing the same. All that proves is...well...nothing. And really, depending on what you look at, oh hey, the bible proves me right and xtians wrong on things... Hmm, how interesting.

Anyways, that's all I can think of now off the top of my head... which is a lot apparently lol. It's not bed time.

Anti-Social Occultist - An... Explaination?

So here goes I guess. A semi occult post. I'm not going to get horribly specific in this blog about a lot of occult things, you want that, head on over to Trystn's Occult Journal. Now why is that? Because, well, for the majority of it, I just don't really think it needs to be talked about with those outside my working group (and even most of them will tell you they understand very little of what we do, 'cause I don't tell them either, really... oops...) It's really a need to know basis, as I don't enjoy having to spend an hour recaping a dozen or so stories to bring someone else up to speed just to have a 5 minute discussion on "This is why this is in this thing you have to say."

And why is this? Because, well, I'm not a teacher of the occult. Not really. Not in the way people would think. I am nowhere near ready in my own personal studies to be a teacher of that sort. I'm not an Elder (OBVIOUSLY.) My working group's members are typically not students of the occult, or if they are, it's not in the same Stream, or even in the same desires. We aren't *technically* a coven/cuveen, and that's fine at this point. I'll be honest, I do select who in my group I tell about rituals that are being planned so as to keep it to those I know I can handle it. And also, since I said we're not technically a coven/cuveen, we're also not "open for new membership" nor are we running a "playtime for the widdle fwuffie dumbdumbs" that seem to stumble across us or get introduced to us (trust me. We had one of those once. It didn't even make it past seeing the ritual in advance when the fwuffie dumbdumb had a meltdown and freaked.)

So basically, when I say I am not a teacher, and we're not really a study group, you wanna learn, you find yourself a good teacher. A good teacher typically will not be very fond of doing distance learning, they will not charge you "tuition" fees, and they shouldn't do other nasty things, like... I dunno... tell you that you MUST have sexual relations with them in order to be part of the group. It's also not a good idea to go for the groups where you pay 50 bagillion million dollars and you get to be a first level red breasted boobie-tit Elder with higher rank than anyone in any other working group (except your own, of course. You wanna be higher ranking there, you're gonna have to pay even more money to be a blue footed ankle biter Elder of a 1.5th level!) You will also be expected to work - you wanna learn, you're gonna work. You're also going to HAVE to expand your boundaries and be prepared for strange new shit to happen. Or strange shit that happened before, to happen again, but more intense. And probably more frequently.

The other reaons I don't usually talk Craft are because, well, for the majority of people in the world, no one reeeaaally understands the other's Stream. You can get pretty close, and you can learn stuff, but at the same time, you're never gonna know it all without going through it yourself. And really, in this area, the closest person with a Stream like what I'm studying, lives approximately 4000 miles away. And I'm a special case, and that's all you really need to know. But it ties in with that whole not enjoying recaping fifty billion things the person won't actually grasp in a similar fashion without a similar background to be looking at the story. It's also not that easy to make other people notice that they might just actually have to change their mindset a bit to see what you're trying to say, although some people get it, while others don't... that whole "Okay, just suppose for an instant that X actually is Y, and it then connects to Z in such a way you get a whole new letter called ZZX!" thing

The issue also includes the fwuffie dumbdumbs that like to stick their fingers in their ears and go "LALALALALALALALALA, Caaaaaaan't heeeeaaaarrrr yooooou! LALALALA! OMG! Opwesshun! Opwesshun! You're trying to force that your religion is better than mine on meeee! WAAAAAH! But wait! I can't hear you, LALALALALALALALA!!" during what was intended to be an intellegent conversation. Of course, if you can't hear me, how can you know I'm possibly trying to do that...? Oh wait, I'm not, and you're just a moron. Oh, and secondly, there IS a difference between Religion and Faith, and I'm not following a religion! But you are. But then again, you're not listening so this point is moot and all we've really achieved is showing your inner cry baby spoiled brat toddler of an inner child, and I have (not so)strange desires to aim a rocket launcher at your head and say "Hasta la vista, baby" in a bad German accent while I depress the trigger. I also love it when they demand proof for something, and upon being given said proof, they go "I do not want regurgitated opinions! I want my own!" Oh yes. Because links to different books online are toootally opinions. Especially when trying to show "So and so copied the idea from so and so, who wrote it A HUNDRED YEARS BEFORE THAT."

I also just LOVE the people I call "Collectors." You know those people on FB who you've never spoken to in ANY form (ie, they're a friend of a friend on FB, and they were a friend of that person's friend, etc etc etc on and on and on until you find a real life friendship that spawned others, but you've never spoken to this person at all on message boards, or in group discussions online, on friends' statuses or anything) and this person you've never spoken to, friends you. Never says anything to you, but they friend you. And then they proceed to friend all your friends with potential occult ties. It's like we're figurine dolls or something - "Witch Streams of the World - Collect the whole set!" And then the person is on your F-list foooreeever, and never saying anything. But they want you to fan every fucking witchy page, or be involved in every little witchy application. Or the ones who just seem to do it for shameless promotion of their pagan business. It's just kind of like "Hmmm... Really. Have you read my profile? I live halfway around the world from you, I'm a Dressmaking and Design student who has been sewing since I was able to hold a plastic needle without injuring myself, I'm also artsy and crafty... I do everything you do, and in some cases, I do it A LOT better..." I also love the people who come along going "I am/have done _____! Fawn over me and fall at my feet!" It's just like "OMG, SRSLY?!?! I'm in AWE! ...Oh, wait, no... that's just my brain shutting down as it melts from the wafting fwuffie dumbdumb idiocy..."

On the other hand, the reason I don't reeaaaally talk to a lot of the non-fwuffie dumbdumb occultists is because, well, compared to a lot of them, I'm basically a baby in swaddling, as a good friend and mentor once said. I don't mind listening, but I know one sided conversations get very... unencouraging after a while. I will listen, and hopefully learn, but at the same time, when I have no clue what they mean because I haven't read that book, or experienced something, or just had no general clue that even existed, it makes for a very slow, one sided conversation. I also don't really enjoying not being able to hold my own, or feeling like I'm bothering someone, or the constant "Oooh, so and so talked about that, and they said *insert basic regurgitation here*" And sometime regurgitation isn't bad, but when it always seems to be regurgitation because I have no freaking clue, it makes me feel dumb, and that I'm coming across as dumb. And that is not really what I want. That is not a good learning environment. I try to not mindlessly regurgitate, I try to have my own thoughts and opinions on it, but I hate the fact it's possibly coming across as complete mindless regurgitation.

Aaanyways, I think this is a long enough rant/explaination as to why I don't really enjoy talking about the occult/why I don't do a lot of it. But I also really don't have a clue what to post really... Any topic suggestions...? I may also bug my mentor and be like "Haaaalp.... is bored, want to write, give me essay topic...!" (Yes, it's true. After high school I am soo totally stuck on writing essays and only essays... blargh. One day I will get my creative back! lol)

SO! Happy Yule, and GET OFF MY LAWN! (Or comment, I like those... usually.)