A Poem I Wrote In High School

This is a poem I wrote back in high school. Thought I'd share. Please remember that you MAY NOT reproduce this poem in ANY form without my express written consent.

Dancing With the Devil

Soft spoken words slide under the skin

Sharp as a knife, yet soft as silk.

A gentle touch glides over my body

The cool burning followed by fiery ice

To send shivers down the spine.

Mesmerizing, intoxicating,

Your words and imagery stay lodged in my mind

Wickedly whispered promises

Blow gently o'er my ear

Your lips curved in soft sardonic smile,

A velvet brush across my cheek

Your eyes glitter with shining promise

As you lean in to deliver your devil's kiss

You've won my heart, stolen my soul

And now to seal it with a kiss

It's only after I've become the empty shell,

Overrun with flowing emotion,

That I fully realize -

I've been dancing with the devil.

© Lore of http://inthelandofnod.blogspot.com

Knitting Octopi

So I've wanted to knit an octopus since forever but I can't knit on double pointed needles worth crap (at least not yet... if ever...) but I found this pattern through Ravelry.com (you must have an account to look at patterns on there, but it's free to join and there's TONS of stuff! Be warned, not all the patterns are free though.) A lot of people have their patterns available for ravelry downloads, or with links to their blogs/websites (or both). So here is the link to the blog the octopus pattern is on at Haun' Knittit for Aristotle the Octopus

The two I knitted are these ones, as baby/big sister gifts for a friend's children

The rust coloured one is actually double the size of the pattern given on Haun' Knittit. Easy enough to do, except you have to remember to make the tentacles wider - which I think I did by going Cast on 100 stitches, KB1, then K row, KB1, K row, KB1, K60 stitches then for the next 40 K2tog to end, then bind off.

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I doubt anyone really noticed lol. I'm starting to work on my new blog, which is an alternative to a webcomic since I can't draw worth crap. It will focus on a more occult theme...in and of the fact it's a blog about my plush penguin Aleister Crowley - except in this blog, it's the actual Aleister Crowley who has been trapped in the body of the plush penguin... but more on that later when that blog is actually ready to debut :-P

Also, you may have noticed I've changed the blog layout - I did this because I was rather annoyed at how long and thin my posts were, and how often I had to squish the photos down to be smaller (at least on my monitor I did, and I'm like the only one who reads this, so it might as well be something I like lol) Forgive me if the font of the old posts is small (it looks really small on my screen) I may or may not fix this... most browsers have zoom functions so you can use that if you have to lol

Occult Q&A of FAQ, Part I

Okay, so this is going to be an occult post. Despite my whole "Yeah I don't really talk about the occult" entry last time. Why? Because it amuses me, that's why. So I guess I'll answer the questions/comments I get most often. And if anyone has any, leave me a comment and I'll do another post, or whatever, and answer them.

So, the FAQs... Q = Question, C = Comment to me, A = My response

Q. So, what are you?
A. Human... what are you?

Q. So as a Wiccan...
A. I'm NOT a Wiccan...

Q. So as a Pagan...
A. I'm NOT a Pagan...

Q. So as a devil worshiper...
A. ....I *AM* The Devil... which is odd in most senses given that I'm female, but I don't expect most people to understand what I mean anyways.

C. OMG THAT'S BAD! You can't hurt anyone! Magic is all puppies and kitties and rainbows and butterflies and...
A. *takes shotgun off the wall above the mantle, and loads it* There's no hope for 'em now. 'e's sufferin'. You know we gotta do it.

Okay, but seriously now, you gotta have both sides of the equation here. The light and the dark. Sometimes the right thing is not a nice thing. Also, as a non-Wiccan/non-Neo-Wiccan/non-Neo-Pagan, take your bloody rule of three and shove it up your ass. For every action there is a reaction, for every action a consequence - and by consequence I don't mean whatever you do comes back to 3 times 3 times 3 (which by the way would be TWENETY SEVEN times better/worse than what you did, not three times) I mean that if you know if you do something not so pleasant to someone, and you're going to feel guilty and whimp out following it through, don't do it. If you know you won't be able to live with what you are going to do, don't do it. Because really, it wastes your time, and the energy, and it'll probably backfire. So I mean if you do something nasty to someone, expect results. Liiike say someone does something not so nice to you, so you hex them, and short time later, there's a car accident and their injured badly and paralyzed. There's your action, there's your reaction/consequence. It doesn't always mean the reaction/consequence will happen to YOU.

Q. Can I watch?!
A. ....What...? YOU PERV! Oooooh you mean can you watch a ritual... Um, no. Just no. I'm not running a Plagan Playtime, and we're not participating in a sport (you want that, christianity is over there, down that hallway, to the left, and third door on the right...) And even if I did let you watch, it's not like you'd understand what you were seeing anyways.

Q. Can you teach me?
A. Nope. I'm still paddling around in the pond myself, there's no way I can teach you.

Q. So if you're not Wiccan of any sort, or Pagan, what are you? Witch is rather generic.
A. Shall we just say... Your worst nightmare.... and leave it at that? Or if you don't like that, I can introduce you to my friend over there who can run you around in circles faster than you blink...

Q. ZOMFG WILL YOU DO A TAROT READING FOR ME?!?!
A. Hmmm lemme check *flips out some cards* All signs point to... No. Sedrick doesn't like you. He thinks you're an idiot. See? He said so himself *points to cards*

Q. Who is Sedrick and why do you talk to him like he's a person? You don't know anyone named Sedrick.
A. Keep your voice down, Sedrick might hear you! And of course I talk to Sedrick like he's a person. Gods know he's opinionated enough. Sedrick is my tarot deck - Crowley's Thoth to be exact. He's quite an ass and a cheeky bastard. Some days I want to rename him Trystn, but he [Sedrick] doesn't like that idea. And anyone who says a tarot deck is an inanimate object has obviously never worked with a deck that has a personality - as in it retaliates when it gets annoyed. And it insults you *shoots a dirty look at Sedrick* (He's in time out right now...)

Q. Which gods do you worship?
A. Erm... none. Not the way most Plagans do anyways. Groveling... not my style. Now some of us do however have "patron" and "matron" gods/spirits, and well, I could tell you, but that'd be telling. And they'd probably eat you for breakfast. Or maybe more like midnight snacks...

C. Tell me EVERYTHING!
A. Now why would I want to do THAT? That takes all the fun out of tormenting you.

Q. I'm Goddess-loved. What are you?
A. Ready to shoot in 3-2-1....

C. But I don't like *insert aspect of conversation/ritual/occult related thing here*...
A. ...So why are you talking to me about this, or trying to work with this...? You knew, it was going to come up/be involved...

C. I was Cleopatra in a past life!
A. Darling, we were ALL Cleopatra in a past life... (Okay, so I stole that one lol)

C. And in my past lives I've always been some form of animal and....
A. Uhhuh.... uhhuh... Zzzzzzzz... Awha?! Sorry, I dozed of--Zzzzzzzz

C. Who's your favourite author(s)? I *LOVE LOVE LOVE* Silver Ravenwolf and Fiona Horne and....
A. *Backs away slowly and reaches for the shotgun* .....
C. ...What? They're the most popular and readily available, therefore they have to be the bestest!!
A. No, no that's not how it works...

C. But as Witches/"witches" that means we can't believe in Jesus, and must go against everything that is at all related to Christianity!
A. Actually... some of Jesus' stuff wasn't too bad. Unfortunately no one else seemed to understand and it was all twisted and contorted into lovely control devices. As for the rest of it, I have no time for those who must sqwack about how "different" they are from everything else and how they're oh so original and new and different and have nothing the same. All that proves is...well...nothing. And really, depending on what you look at, oh hey, the bible proves me right and xtians wrong on things... Hmm, how interesting.

Anyways, that's all I can think of now off the top of my head... which is a lot apparently lol. It's not bed time.

End of Year 2009 Meme

So here it is, a meme to ring in the new year of 2010. I'll do a "real" post tomorrow. Maybe. If I can think of a topic lol. Not that anyone cares and all, but oh well. To all my pretend followers in my mind it will be awesome! Now onto the meme so I can go to bed! And I'm not tagging anyone, if you wanna do it, go ahead.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? Hmmmm... I... ummm... I started to teach myself shuttle-tatting :-D (Now I'm switching to needle tatting that my needles have arrived)

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't really do resolutions but my goal is some other stuff.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Aside from horses, nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Umm... semi-close, I guess, but no, not really. Not this year anyways. I think after the 4 years in high school of having 10 or 11 a year, it's not my turn for a while... The Old Man and and I will have to have some words about it I think...

5. What countries did you visit? The U.S. back in April, just a quick overnight trip for some shopping.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? A lot of things... a student file at D'AL, a lovelife, a lower number on the scale when I stand on it, less depression...

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Hmmm. My birthday because a lot of stuff happened (both good, and not so great, but stuff that happens), and a few other days

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Uuuuhhh... Personally... Letting go. Or maybe teaching myself some new knitting stuff and other crafty stuff.

9. What was your biggest failure? Take your pick. We've got the lack of a job, the lack of money, the lack of trying, the lack of a lovelife, the lack of losing weight, not being able to apply for school at King's...

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Re-injured my ankle, lots of other little ones, potentially broke a toe New Year's Eve Day lol. Had a cold, but meh, that's not that serious. Didn't get the H1N1!! (or the shot for it lol)

11. What was the best thing you bought? Hmmm. New MP3 player probably. Other than that, this sweater I picked out for mom to give me for x-mas is pretty awesome.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Errr... no one's. 2009 wasn't a good year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? A LOT of people's.

14. Where did most of your money go? Uh.. Mount Fuji for food lmao. I haven't a clue, I didn't have much this year (yay parents... *headdesk**fail*)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Probably a bunch of stuff. I was excited for my birthday, really. Even with all the bitching lol. Oh, and going to Ottawa!!! :-D

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? The Stolen Child, maybe? I dunno.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer? Ummm a bit of both, depends on the subject. Fatter. Poorer. Oh look, my life is already going downhill!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? A lot of stuff. Preferably money making stuff.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Moping, being lazy.

20. How did you spend Christmas? Christmas Eve at home my bro and his family came over, Christmas Day at home with my parents, Boxing Day at home with my sister and her family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009? With a person? Ummm Paul Gross! lmao (Although I wonder if that one is simply a rekindling of when mom and I used to Watch Due South when it was new and I was little lol.) With knitting. And some other non-related to this question's real meaning stuff.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Ummmm... Due South, Slings & Arrows, Eastwick...(anything with Paul Gross in it...), Say Yes To The Dress, Wedding SOS, Rich Bride Poor Bride...

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I strongly dislike some people this year that I didn't dislike last year.

24. What was the best book you read? Just one? Hmmmm... hard to say, but so far Shy Boy by Monty Roberts, or She Flies Without Wings: How Horses Touch A Woman's Soul. Close runner up (I haven't finished it yet though) is The Year Of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest To Follow The Bible As Literally As Possible

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Hmmmm... not sure... I had a lot lol

26. What did you want and get? New MP3 player, a pillow chair for reading in bed, a nice knitted sweater...some other stuff I'm not supposed to talk about... lol

27. What did you want and not get? A job, money, to go to King's (because I found something better!), a bunch of stuff

28. What was your favorite film of this year? PASSCHENDAELE!!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 21, and on the day of my birthday my parents and I went to the racetrack with my aunt and uncle and watched crappy nags race (yay Hiawatha being ruined by the owner...) and a couple days later when everyone was home from college/university my friends and I had a big gathering and had a Thanksgiving feast complete with BBQ hickory smoked turkey, yummy potatoes, yummy bread, yummy everything! And games! It was good :-D

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having something meaningful to do. As in something I found meaningful, and so did others. 'Cause most of the stuff I found meaningful, nobody else "approved" of.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? Comfy/frumpy lol.

32. What kept you sane? Being able to escape into my mind.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Ummm... Paul Gross? lol

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Ummm probably a lot of little ones that just made me shake my head lol.

35. Who did you miss? A few people.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Hmmm... best new person... ummm.... I don't think I can pick one lol.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. Learning that it's good and okay to let things go, and that it is also perfectly fine to let go in baby steps (baby steps make you look less crazy)

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Hmmm... Okay, here we go, this one will work. Oh, wait, no, I have two. First one is from Natalie Imbruglia's "Counting Down The Days"
"How've you been/It's just the usual here/And days are feeling like years/And every day's without you/Now I cry/Just a little too much/When i think of your touch/And everything about you"

And the second is from Regina Spektor's "Blue Lips"

He took a step, but then felt tired.
He said, "I'll rest a little while."
But when he tried to walk again,
He wasn't a child.
And all the people hurried fast,
Real fast,
And no one ever smiled.

[chorus removed to make this a bit shorter]

He stumbled into faith and thought,
"God, this is all there is?"
The pictures in his mind arose,
And began to breathe.
And no one saw, and no one heard.
They just followed the lead.
The pictures in his mind awoke,
And began to breed.

They started out beneath the knowledge tree.
Then they chopped it down to make white picket fences,
And, marching along the railroad tracks,
They smile real wide for the camera lenses.
They made it past the enemy lines
Just to become enslaved in the assembly lines.

Anti-Social Occultist - An... Explaination?

So here goes I guess. A semi occult post. I'm not going to get horribly specific in this blog about a lot of occult things, you want that, head on over to Trystn's Occult Journal. Now why is that? Because, well, for the majority of it, I just don't really think it needs to be talked about with those outside my working group (and even most of them will tell you they understand very little of what we do, 'cause I don't tell them either, really... oops...) It's really a need to know basis, as I don't enjoy having to spend an hour recaping a dozen or so stories to bring someone else up to speed just to have a 5 minute discussion on "This is why this is in this thing you have to say."

And why is this? Because, well, I'm not a teacher of the occult. Not really. Not in the way people would think. I am nowhere near ready in my own personal studies to be a teacher of that sort. I'm not an Elder (OBVIOUSLY.) My working group's members are typically not students of the occult, or if they are, it's not in the same Stream, or even in the same desires. We aren't *technically* a coven/cuveen, and that's fine at this point. I'll be honest, I do select who in my group I tell about rituals that are being planned so as to keep it to those I know I can handle it. And also, since I said we're not technically a coven/cuveen, we're also not "open for new membership" nor are we running a "playtime for the widdle fwuffie dumbdumbs" that seem to stumble across us or get introduced to us (trust me. We had one of those once. It didn't even make it past seeing the ritual in advance when the fwuffie dumbdumb had a meltdown and freaked.)

So basically, when I say I am not a teacher, and we're not really a study group, you wanna learn, you find yourself a good teacher. A good teacher typically will not be very fond of doing distance learning, they will not charge you "tuition" fees, and they shouldn't do other nasty things, like... I dunno... tell you that you MUST have sexual relations with them in order to be part of the group. It's also not a good idea to go for the groups where you pay 50 bagillion million dollars and you get to be a first level red breasted boobie-tit Elder with higher rank than anyone in any other working group (except your own, of course. You wanna be higher ranking there, you're gonna have to pay even more money to be a blue footed ankle biter Elder of a 1.5th level!) You will also be expected to work - you wanna learn, you're gonna work. You're also going to HAVE to expand your boundaries and be prepared for strange new shit to happen. Or strange shit that happened before, to happen again, but more intense. And probably more frequently.

The other reaons I don't usually talk Craft are because, well, for the majority of people in the world, no one reeeaaally understands the other's Stream. You can get pretty close, and you can learn stuff, but at the same time, you're never gonna know it all without going through it yourself. And really, in this area, the closest person with a Stream like what I'm studying, lives approximately 4000 miles away. And I'm a special case, and that's all you really need to know. But it ties in with that whole not enjoying recaping fifty billion things the person won't actually grasp in a similar fashion without a similar background to be looking at the story. It's also not that easy to make other people notice that they might just actually have to change their mindset a bit to see what you're trying to say, although some people get it, while others don't... that whole "Okay, just suppose for an instant that X actually is Y, and it then connects to Z in such a way you get a whole new letter called ZZX!" thing

The issue also includes the fwuffie dumbdumbs that like to stick their fingers in their ears and go "LALALALALALALALALA, Caaaaaaan't heeeeaaaarrrr yooooou! LALALALA! OMG! Opwesshun! Opwesshun! You're trying to force that your religion is better than mine on meeee! WAAAAAH! But wait! I can't hear you, LALALALALALALALA!!" during what was intended to be an intellegent conversation. Of course, if you can't hear me, how can you know I'm possibly trying to do that...? Oh wait, I'm not, and you're just a moron. Oh, and secondly, there IS a difference between Religion and Faith, and I'm not following a religion! But you are. But then again, you're not listening so this point is moot and all we've really achieved is showing your inner cry baby spoiled brat toddler of an inner child, and I have (not so)strange desires to aim a rocket launcher at your head and say "Hasta la vista, baby" in a bad German accent while I depress the trigger. I also love it when they demand proof for something, and upon being given said proof, they go "I do not want regurgitated opinions! I want my own!" Oh yes. Because links to different books online are toootally opinions. Especially when trying to show "So and so copied the idea from so and so, who wrote it A HUNDRED YEARS BEFORE THAT."

I also just LOVE the people I call "Collectors." You know those people on FB who you've never spoken to in ANY form (ie, they're a friend of a friend on FB, and they were a friend of that person's friend, etc etc etc on and on and on until you find a real life friendship that spawned others, but you've never spoken to this person at all on message boards, or in group discussions online, on friends' statuses or anything) and this person you've never spoken to, friends you. Never says anything to you, but they friend you. And then they proceed to friend all your friends with potential occult ties. It's like we're figurine dolls or something - "Witch Streams of the World - Collect the whole set!" And then the person is on your F-list foooreeever, and never saying anything. But they want you to fan every fucking witchy page, or be involved in every little witchy application. Or the ones who just seem to do it for shameless promotion of their pagan business. It's just kind of like "Hmmm... Really. Have you read my profile? I live halfway around the world from you, I'm a Dressmaking and Design student who has been sewing since I was able to hold a plastic needle without injuring myself, I'm also artsy and crafty... I do everything you do, and in some cases, I do it A LOT better..." I also love the people who come along going "I am/have done _____! Fawn over me and fall at my feet!" It's just like "OMG, SRSLY?!?! I'm in AWE! ...Oh, wait, no... that's just my brain shutting down as it melts from the wafting fwuffie dumbdumb idiocy..."

On the other hand, the reason I don't reeaaaally talk to a lot of the non-fwuffie dumbdumb occultists is because, well, compared to a lot of them, I'm basically a baby in swaddling, as a good friend and mentor once said. I don't mind listening, but I know one sided conversations get very... unencouraging after a while. I will listen, and hopefully learn, but at the same time, when I have no clue what they mean because I haven't read that book, or experienced something, or just had no general clue that even existed, it makes for a very slow, one sided conversation. I also don't really enjoying not being able to hold my own, or feeling like I'm bothering someone, or the constant "Oooh, so and so talked about that, and they said *insert basic regurgitation here*" And sometime regurgitation isn't bad, but when it always seems to be regurgitation because I have no freaking clue, it makes me feel dumb, and that I'm coming across as dumb. And that is not really what I want. That is not a good learning environment. I try to not mindlessly regurgitate, I try to have my own thoughts and opinions on it, but I hate the fact it's possibly coming across as complete mindless regurgitation.

Aaanyways, I think this is a long enough rant/explaination as to why I don't really enjoy talking about the occult/why I don't do a lot of it. But I also really don't have a clue what to post really... Any topic suggestions...? I may also bug my mentor and be like "Haaaalp.... is bored, want to write, give me essay topic...!" (Yes, it's true. After high school I am soo totally stuck on writing essays and only essays... blargh. One day I will get my creative back! lol)

SO! Happy Yule, and GET OFF MY LAWN! (Or comment, I like those... usually.)

Ahhh Relief...

So Tuesday was my mom's luncheon, and in total I had 12 adult sized hats knitted, 3 kids sized ones, a scarf I knitted a while back, and a pair of tiny child sized store bought mitts. Apparently one of the ladies asked if I needed more yarn - my mother politely declined lol. Hopefully this has inspired some of the ladies to try a bit harder/do a bit more - Mom says some of them show up with 2 pairs of mitts from the dollar store and think they've saved the world (and it's not like spending more than $2 would hurt them, if you know what I mean...) I'm thinking that when I get bored I'll just knit some more of these hats and stockpile them for next year.... I may very well need more yarn after all lol.

The storm from last week seems to have cleared a bit. But that is good. I freaked, I know I did, and it didn't end well on a few fronts, but those have been understood and repaired (I hope...) And after the storm, the answer seems rather obvious. I've missed horses a lot. In the past week or two I have watched like every single horse movie on Youtube (which is A LOT.)

Tomorrow/later today I'm hoping mom will be well enough to go shopping and to the post office (the pizza we had for supper isn't agreeing with her, nor is it agreeing with dad. Must have been the meat - I'm not feeling too bad, and I had a veggie pizza tonight, so it must have been the meat.) I have 6 packages to mail off. Yay Christmas/Yule!

And since I'm going to the post office, that means my quilt is DONE!! YAAAY! It has some boo-boos, but I don't care. It adds character. Not that it doesn't have that already. It's also fiesty and fights back when boxed...as evidenced by the sheer amount of tape holding the box closed lol. And now photos to finish! (Remember to click for bigger images, photobucket wasn't cooperating so I actually had to upload these ones to Blogspot)

Quilt front, features water, land, sky, and a Tree of Life/World Tree with oghams. The sky is quilted with 4 pointed star designs, and the water is quilted with swirls and bubbles. The green edges just have a straight line border design.


Quilt back. The designs don't really show up on the backing in this photo.

Rough Week

It all went BOOM today. Been stirring since about Tuesday, after the tour, in which I found out I'm not eligible to apply to university until at least 2011. And if I do apply and get in, it's going to take me an extra year or two to complete the course. Joy. Don't have that kinda time, or the cash. Sooo here's hoping I didn't completely shoot down my chances for getting back into the local college.

That may sound good - but it's not. Not really. Mainly because I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I can't imagine doing any one career/job for my whole life.

I thought I was getting better, but the hacking cough is still hanging around, as is the runny nose, and the sore throat has returned, and it seems to be toying with the idea of going after my ear too. Fuuuuck. I don't think bawling my eyes out is helping either, but who knows.

Fuck, at the rate I've been going this week, I fucked up pretty much every aspect of my life. I have no life really. I'm alive, but that's not a life. Thought I was managing to work through shit, but nope. Still there, rearing it's ugly head and causing everything to go BOOM, and crumble and collapse.

Everything I touch turns to shit.

----
Hat Knitting Update

In the 11 (now 12, technically) days I've been knitting to make hats for my mom's ladies luncheon, I have 10 teen/adult hats, 3 child's hats, we scrounged up a scarf I knitted a while back. This brings the day count to 11 and the hat/scarves to 14. We also found an infant/young child sized pair of mitts we'd bought that don't fit my neices, so the total items to go so far is 15.

Let's see how this turns to shit now...

----

Amendment: Okay, so, right now, even my pillow is betraying me or telling me to cheer up - I bawled my eyes out and the tear stains made a smiley face. A.J. is inhabiting my pillow... EEK! lol.

Hopefully, I am done crying. I'm hoping I am - this is wreaking havoc on my throat *sigh* I'm kind of letting myself cry if I want to though - getting it out of my system and then hopefully think rationally soon. I need some better form of catharsis/or outlet in general. I cry and everyone calls me emo. Yeah, that's right, I make a comment ebout my crying kind of being like bleeding out the poison, and I get called emo. I'm never using a metaphor or a simile again! (which will be horribly boring, and won't last long, but oh well!) Besides, if I was emo, it wouldn't be bleeding out the poison, it'd be CRYING BIG TEARS OF BLOOD AND THAT IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!! And there'd be lots of messy eyeliner and cutting! (And yes, I'm aware I made wishing for death comments at one point today, but we all know if I wanted to kill myself I wouldn't sit around talking about it!) And yes Darien, I know this doesn't help my not being emo argument. But I'm not trying to blame any of this on anyone. It happens. It kind of feels like being bucked off a horse and trampled on at the moment, but it happens. Therefore, I am not emo!

And this wasn't meant to turn into a rant about emo-ness... but it does make me seem horribly bi-polar... but anyways. Here's hoping that I'm done and moving on at any rate... And I really need to stop randomly attacking Trystn during these fits. It's not nice, and he doesn't like it... and it really doesn't make me happy either. Sorry Trystn. Of course I apologize to him on the blog...which he never reads... brillliant... Anyways, I'm going to bed now.