A View On Energy/Deities/Spellwork/Prayers

Okay so I've been meaning to do this for a long time, and I promised myself to do it by this weekend (I'm only a couple days late...)

People ask me occasionally about my beliefs, and how I feel about gods etc. I once saw someone I knew talk about someone they used to know that was not of pagan leanings, and how they viewed gods. What was said put quite a few things into place, and things kind of clicked.

But, we'll start with a bit of background - I wasn't born into a family that attended a church on pain of death, or pardon the pun - "religiously", and going was just going and depended on whether or not it was campground season or winter - we didn't pray before bed, we didn't say grace unless it was a special occasion and we were around our extended family members, we didn't read the bible. The whole thing never really clicked for me in any sense with Christianity. I enjoyed the Christmas carols and some other hymns/song, but those only happened at one time of the year (plus, I just liked singing.) It was about age 13 that I didn't feel like going at all and could finally say "No thanks" without being challenged. I felt no connection, no reaction, there was no spark. At this point I still didn't really understand a lot of my decision, aside from a disinterest, and it was about this time that I was given my first book about paganism.

Reading through it, and talking about stuff with others that I knew, neo-wicca (not that I knew the difference then between "Old School" Wicca and neo-wicca at this point) or neo-paganism also didn't really fit. I didn't enjoy the "one true god" of Christian religion, and I found flaws in goddess worship - sure paganism had two main god figures, but one always seemed to trump the other in a feminist bent. Goddess worshipping was about the same as the "one true god" of Christianity. Having two parts doesn't mean you have a whole, or even an equal sharing. It didn't click quite right either. The explaination one person gave me that before there was a male god and a female god, and the male god gave the female god his power and let her be in charge, there was one no-sex being (no-sex in this case being a twist on what I would assume to be an androgynous being or a hermaphrodidic being), and that the no-sex being halved into the male being and the female being. I was also told in high school by a Christian-Jewish classmate that in Hebrew (forgive me for not remembering her exact words) the word used for God/holy father was translated as a paternal figure, but was actually hermaphrodidic/androgynous. This satiated me a bit, but things still didn't quite fit.

This age frame was also when I was first put into contact with my current mentor. He was a mentor, but not quite to the extent he has been in the past few years, and I recall thinking him a bit of a conceited nutcase when he told me, in no uncertain terms, "one day you will be my apprentice." So you know, I kind of ignored him and plunked along, occasionally asking questions of him of an occult nature, but mostly just being a random kinda angsty teenager who was way older than her age, but trying to be her age, and having him as an acquaintance, figuring out but mostly ignoring a lot of the occult stuff. For the most part I didn't care either way about religion/"religion", or whether or not I was lacking anything. For the most I still don't panic about it, but when I do, it's a bit of a head trip.

So now that we're back to the present of people saying things that click, we'll get back to the used to be friend of a used to be friend. He presented it as this basic idea - God (this would be the "one true god") wasn't some guy in the sky, but a source of energy. It clicked. Energy, I could understand. It made sense. It described how their could be "One" as a "whole", and how there could be different "types". It satisfied my need for actually explainable-by-science needs - look at science stuff about energy. It fits. It also worked okay for my cannot-really-be-explained-by-science needs. It just fit, like Cinderella and her glass slipper (okay, that may be a stretch, but think about it - how comfortable would glass slippers really be ALL THE TIME? Plus, if the shoe doesn't fit, you're kind of like the ugly stepsisters in the non-politically correct version, cutting off toes to try and make it fit.) The "being on the same level as the gods" kinda actually made sense now.

On a slight sidestep on the topic, my mentor is fond of saying that a lot of followers of religions (both those like Christianity and Wicca types) seem to favour the thought of having some higher being that will spank them when they do something bad. We say "Do what is necessary", which goes along with Crowley's "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law". There's no threefold rule, there's no one waiting to punish you later. It's just you yourself has to be able to live with what you've done. For every action there is a consequence - but don't define consequence as "something bad that will happen", define it in such a way like "for every action there is an equal reaction" - you drop a bomb, people die; you make a pot of hot water, you can cook food or make a hot cup of tea to enjoy. You hex someone, there's a very good chance that bad things will happen. If you can't live with it, don't do it.

Oh, and for all those who go "three times three time three" for the threefold rule - it's not 3 times worse, it's not 9 times worse. Let's do the math here:

3x3x3 = 3³

3x3 = 9
9x3 = 27

It's 27 times worse.

Another note, I recently saw a discussion where people amicably disagreed on spells vs prayer - one person said they were different, one person voted they were the same. I'm mostly in the "they're about the same" group. A spell/ritual with physical actions you perform is essentially a "moving prayer". You want to summon/borrow and direct energy to a purpose, probably for the reasoning that you alone are not quite enough energy. The one participant in the discussion I mentioned above had the reasoning that a spell was only your own energy, while a prayer was (apparently) only for a deity's energy. Doesn't really work since most spells involve deities in some fashion, and in order to pray one must put forth the energy to think about it and do it (yes, repeating words out loud or in your head counts as putting forth energy!)

This may end up being a Part 1/A or something to another, but we shall see. I think my thought process on this is currently finished. But you never know.

Ahhhhh!

Okay, so I've been a horrible blogger, but my sleep has been really weird lately, and I have felt like writing but it wouldn't come to me very easily when I tried writing blog entries, BUT, I've a list of a few topics, and I'm going to write on them hopefully soon.

These topics range from recent knitting (and lack thereof... uh oh!) to some more occult topics (anyone following my blog purely for the knitting/sewing stuff, consider yourself warned if necessary!) There may be some other stuff, but I promise you, my life has not been overly exciting recently in ways I'm gonna blog about LOL.

So anyways, given recent thoughts on it, and recent dream interactions, my next entry will possibly be on deities and my take on them! (Please note this doesn't mean I'm gonna write a list about deities and they're associations.) And I'm sure it'll be controversial in all my blog's non-commenting glory! Woohoo!

How To Be A Domestic Goddess

I believe the key to this is that thing we call "multitasking". But the important thing is to not realize it's multitasking.

The bathtub hasn't been properly scrubbed in a long time, a sadly long time I'm not even going to try to figure out. Oh it's been cleaned, but not thoroughly scrubbed, and whatever we were using didn't really make a big difference - and we've used a few things, from the generic brand natural cleaners, to CLR. So today I decided to try something I'd seen suggested but hadn't gotten around to trying yet. I mixed up a baking soda paste, slathered it onto the tub, changed clothes, headed into town to buy yarn for some baby gifts, came home, put on the other clothes, and headed back into the tub to scrub. I don't think the heading into town is necessary for when you do this, but I would suggest letting the mixture sit for at least a little while to do its work. The heading into town also isn't the multitasking - it is, but that's much too obvious for what I was talking about!

What I'm talking about is giving the tub a super amazing cleaning, AND giving myself a pedicure at the same time.

Now for this you will need baking soda (2 boxes), some water, a bowl, a couple of those round plastic/nylon mesh dish scrubbies, and gloves if you want them. Total cost of this, minus the bowl, gloves and water - probably about $3. And you will probably need at least 2 scrubbies - mine fell apart during the process.

For the baking soda paste, it took me 2 boxes of baking soda to do the whole tub. Dump about half a box at a time into a plastic dish, add some water (not too much, not too little) to make a paste - you don't want it too runny, but you don't want it too thick either, you should be able to stir it with your hands very easily, but it shouldn't be too soupy, but it shouldn't be thick or feel gritty because that means it's too dry. I'd say it should compare to the consistency of apple sauce. Make sure to check any edges of your container to make sure there isn't a ring or clump of dry baking soda hiding in there.

Once it's mixed just slather it onto the tub (or whatever other surface you want to clean), rub it around a bit, and let it sit for a while. Now it's time to scrub. I did the top edges by the wall by hand, but I wasn't going to stay bent over for however long it took to scrub the whole tub, in a cramped space, or try kneeling the whole time. So, I scrubbed the walls of the tub partially by hand, but the rest I used my feet to push the scrubbie around. Lots of pressure from body weight, and the scrubbie will work to exfoliate your feet. Not to mention baking soda is good for softening up skin (you can add it to your epsom salt baths/foot soaks!) Voila, bathtub cleaning and pedicure! Once you're done scrubbing, just rinse the tub clean with water.

How well does this work? Well, in the past year we have painted the bathroom, and replaced the window, and the tub has had the misfortune of having drywall compound, paint, and spray foam insulation dropped into it and not cleaned up fast enough. And there was a huge scuff from a stepladder non-slip foot. And some other very random dark stain we haven't been able to get out with natural cleaners and CLR. Oh, and don't forget the soapscum, calcium and lime build up. Well, it's sparkley clean now. The soapscum is gone, the calcium and lime is gone, the weird dark stain is gone, the paint came off (yes, that's right, the pale blue paint scrubbed off and didn't take the tub finish with it), the scuff disappeared. Mom was shocked at how well it came clean.

And me? Well, I'm happy I got a pedicure. Sure there's no nail polish, but I don't really use that anyways! Oh, and if you want a matching manicure, I'm sure the baking soda would work pretty good too! Or try a sugar scrub (mix 1tbsp salt/sugar/ground almonds/ground oatmeal/various other things with enough oil to make a slush), or I've heard toothpaste works pretty good to make nail tips nice and white.

Long Time, No Posts

Well, the blog was "down" for a bit while I revamped some stuff, I've also been busy busy with knitting.

So much so in fact, I've managed to make my wrists ache (potential RSI, most likely.) I still have quite a bit to do. Hats, cowls... but the blankets for my nieces are done, thankfully. Row upon row, upon row of garter stitch to make two almost-afghans for the 5 and 8 year olds. Don't think it's a lot? Together there's about 2km of string in those blankets! At least they love their hand knits. The 8 y/o asked specifically for a new blanket after the smaller one from last year had a run in with their one cat that sleeps on her bed.

Speaking of loving hand knits, a lot of people DON'T appreciate them, and call them cheap etc. In fact, there was one young poster on Ravelry who commented that her best friend wasn't supportive of her knitting, and when she said she was going to open an etsy shop and sell knitted things, said friend (or "friend"...) laughed at her and said no one would buy knitted stuff. It got to the point of the poster pointing out that her friend wanted a knit scarf and the friend said "Yeah, cause it's FREE, no one wants to BUY knitting!"

I did show a friend the basic breakdown of just how much work goes into a simple item. Well, okay, the hat I used isn't a HARD pattern, but it has cables, which can be considered a bit challenging (and I'm sure the intricate ones are!) I used the Katherine Hat I made as the basis of my example. The hat and pattern can be viewed at the original blog here: http://today-i-made.blogspot.com/2009/12/katherine-hat.html

So here we go...

Twisted ribbing of hat band - 80 stitches per round, 11 rounds, 80 x 11 = 880 stitches
First increase round of hat body = 120 stitches

Second increase round of hat body = 126 stiches

Sixteen repeats of a row in pattern - 126 x 16 = 2016, which leads to...

A pattern repeat is 4 rows, therefore... - 2016 x 4 = 8064 stitches

First row of decreases - 90 stitches

Second row of decreases - 90 stitches

Third row of decreases - 63 stitches

Fourth row of decreases - 31 stitches

Final row of decreases - 16 stitches.

GRAND TOTAL OF STITCHES: 9190 stitches!

I simplified it down a bit when I showed my friend the true cost of making a hat, as in as a "job". I figured out a simple 2x2 ribbed hat, made in cheaper acrylic.

Cost of yarn, approx $4 ($3.97+tax, minus a bit since the WHOLE skein doesn't get used, did not figure out the cost per meter or how many meters in a hat.)

Ontario minimum wage - $10.25/hr

Approx time make hat - I've done it in about 6 hours, maybe less, probably longer depending on what I do etc, but we'll take 6 as an average.

6 x 10.25 = $61.50
$61.50 + $4 = $65.50.

$65.50 for a basic ribbed hat, nothing fancy, in cheaper acrylic yarn. And that's not even with tax. Sales tax in Ontario is 13%, making the cost of the hat $74.02. And who REALLY wants to pay that much for a hand knit they can buy at Wal-mart etc for $6? I didn't even try figuring out how long it took me to make the Katherine hat LOL.

Sooo the above are why a lot of knitters knit only for the knitworthy, or won't take "knitting jobs", or will give you a "shocking" price for an item that a lot of people just don't think about the cost before asking someone to knit it for them. That said, plenty of knitters do knit for money, and will take "less" than what I figured out from the above. Also, a lot of knitters will knit stuff for people in general because they like knitting, but don't need all the stuff they knit. I knit mostly for other people, but I have some stuff I need to work on for myself too!

First I have to get through these x-mas gifts, then rest my wrists. So excuse me while I go back to marathoning The Big Bang Theory and knitting.

Lack of Updates, Whoopsies.

Sorry for the lack of updates, things have been busy, and I've really had nothing to write about.

Been knitting like mad, as well as sewing to finish my ICS course (still need to sew that damn top and take pics and mail it off....craaaap!!! Running out of time...)

I have friends getting married in a couple days, so congrats to them! I owe them a quilt, but I'm not sure which pattern to use... I like some, but I also don't really like them enough for it to be the one. BAH.

Knitting Product Review! Interchangeable Circular Needles

Hello to everyone who may actually read this blog! (which I'm finding more and more to be people I don't know that actually leave comments lol.)

It's been a while, a lot has been happening. I started my prep course for college about a month ago, give or take, and studying/memorizing has taken over my existence, among other things.

So my first post back is a product review. Yaaay. Please keep in mind, I'm not being endorsed by the company and all that jazz (although if they wanted to give me free products to review it could be negotiable LOL - not overly likely to happen but you never know!)

Recently I discovered the online shop, KnitPicks (www.knitpicks.com) and I don't really remember how or when, but I think I was looking at shawl patterns and falling in love with those, and I went looking for lace weight yarn that preferably wasn't sheeps' wool, as a lot of my family members (as well as myself) are sensitive/allergic to it. And I found they have lovely alpaca wool! But that is NOT what I am reviewing today! As I haven't had a chance to knit it yet :( (SOON! SOON I SHALL KNIT IT!!! And there will be photos!) It feels great as a skein though!

So today's review is about the Options Interchangeable Zephyr Acrylic Circular Knitting Needle Set by KnitPicks.

How this all started was that the shawl pattern I chose (Shipwreck circular shawl from Knitty.com) is knitted from the center out, and therefore is started on DPNs and then moved into circulars of increasing length and sizee as the shawl grows. I found myself needing 1 set of double pointeds, and then 7 sets of circulars of varying lengths and sizes. I found a very good deal on bamboo FIXED circulars - 15 pairs for $25 - but the downfall there was that they were all the same length (and I was looking for 40-47" longs!) Chances of me using the majority of those needles again was very very slim, due to the lack of versitility (and outside shawls or afgans, what am I going to knit with 40-47" long circulars? That's a bit big for a hat...) And also, who wants to be knitting 600+ stitches off one set of needles onto another, when with the other set is merely a change of tips?

Having already ordered my yarn from KnitPicks, and in casual browsing, seeing the interchangable needles, I started looking for those. My family is very frugal (often bordering on the side of cheap whenever possible), I searched for something in the $20 or less range. I found a couple hits on eBay, but I don't like in the US, and all the listings that were cheaper, didn't ship there. Then came the time to convince myself (and the money source, since I'm sharing the set with my mom), that the KnitPicks ones were better because they really did indeed offer more options. I did the math, and all that, and it was settled. We were going with the interchangable Zephyrs.

Their listed retail price on KnitPicks is $67.38 for the set. They seem to be on the website all/most of the time (at least for the past few months) for $44.99. This price is at least 50% less than the next lowest priced set offered by another company (not one of the other sets offered by KnitPicks, which are $60-75, but still much more affordable.) The set includes 9 sets of needles (Size 4 US/3.5mm to size 11 US/8mm), 4 cables (2 each of 2 different sizes [24" and 32"]), 8 screw on end caps (these are to be screwed onto the cable ends to keep your current project from sliding off if you need the needle tips for another project), a vinyl zippered case to hold the needles (it fits everything), a clear plastic case to hold the cables, and 2 cable keys to help lock the cables to the needle tips.

Very easy to use. Just screw the tips to the cables using the cable keys. And DO use the cable keys - I originally hadn't, and after a while within the first week of knitting the project I was testing them on (a wrap) the needle tip started coming off the cable. I tightened it with the cable keys and it's been on there for months with no sign of loosening unless I want it to. The needles and cables also have a very smooth join, I have yet to have yarn snag, and I'm using yarn that likes to split.

The tips have some amount of give to them, making them easy on the hands compared to a lot of metal needles I've used. The tips are also sharp - it hurt a bit at first to poke myself with them until I got used to it. They're not super super sharp as in "they're going to hurt me" sharp, but it's sharper/pointier than most plastic and metal needles I've worked with.

The other fun part about this set is that you can expand what you own for it. They sell needle tips individually ranging from $4-$7 a set, you can buy a cable binder case that's bigger than the cable case they give you/more organized than the one with the set. You can buy more cables in other lengths. You can also get cable connectors to join multiple cables together for a longer cable - I bought these. It's about $2 for 3 connectors, and they come with instructions and a cable key. I bought a set of these, they seem to work well - they join tightly and smoothly (there's a little bump, but the yarn travels well over it.)

Honestly, I think the only "complaint" I have about them is that the needles all look the same (they're all clear acrylic) and they're not engraved or stamped or marked ON THE NEEDLE as to what size they are. They come on a piece of cardboard that has their info on it, but that's no good if you take them off that or they fall. Personally, I don't really own a needle gauge thingie. I do, however, own an engraver, so I can hopefully fix that without messing up how smoothly the yarn travels.

Oh, and a second product review, just a little one! KnitPicks also sells knitting needle coil wraps. They're awesome! They hold pairs of knitting needles together when not in use. So handy, even with a knitting needle wrap case thing! They sell lots of neat little things, and lots of pretty yarns! I do recommend you check their site out! :)

Happy knitting!

(And again, I'm NOT getting anything from the company for this review)

A Poem

I have long loved the poetry of Alexander Pushkin, since high school really. So here's one; for some reason it strikes a cord inside tonight, though I admit I don't think I've ever really paid this one much attention until now.

The Prophet

by Alexander Pushkin, written in 1824.

Parched with the spirit's thirst, I crossed
An endless desert sunk in gloom,
And a six-winged seraph came
Where the tracks met and I stood lost.
Fingers light as dream he laid
Upon my lids; I opened wide
My eagle eyes, and gazed around.
He laid his fingers on my ears
And they were filled with roaring sound:
I heard the music of the spheres,
The flight of angels through the skies,
The beasts that crept beneath the sea,
The heady uprush of the vine;
And, like a lover kissing me,
He rooted out this tongue of mine
Fluent in lies and vanity;
He tore my fainting lips apart
And, with his right hand steeped in blood,
He armed me with a serpent's dart;
With his bright sword he split my breast;
My heart leapt to him with a bound;
A glowing livid coal he pressed
Into the hollow of the wound.
There in the desert I lay dead,
And God called out to me and said:
'Rise, prophet, rise, and hear, and see,
And let my works be seen and heard
By all who turn aside from me,
And burn them with my fiery word.'

To see more of his poems, go HERE.

Also, I'm not really sure why it seems to have hyperlinked the title, because I didn't tell it to... :-/

Random Update

Soo just a quick update, lots of things happening... Working on a lot of knitting and other textile projects. Just.... lots of random stuff lol.

I have King Nothing by Metallica stuck in my head lmao.

The other night I cooked a whole duck, first ever (and yes, I used a full sized duck, not ducklings.) It was SOOOO YUMMY!!! I used this recipe here http://southernfood.about.com/od/duckandgooserecipes/r/blbb369.htm

By the time it was done cooking the bird was falling apart when I was trying to take it out of the pan. Everyone loved it, so if you need a duck recipe, I suggest that one. I'd also suggest maybe trying to get some of the basting butter stuff UNDER the skin. Maybe I just suck at basting, or whatever, but the meat near the skin had some flavour, but nothing like the amount in the skin (which came off the meat and was therefore either not eaten, or eaten separately) and the meat from the sides closest to the insides tasted a lot like oranges, so getting some of the basting mixture under the skin might help even it out a bit, but it was still very very yummy!

This week has also included very yummy pork ribs, as well as chicken drumsticks, and lots of birthday cake (a 1/4 slab cake is MORE than enough to feed 7 people lol), as well as yummy chicken and steak terriyaki at our favourite Japanese restaurant.

Anyways, sleepy time is calling!

Dream... or maybe it's a Nightmare.

It was a while after the man walked away through the snow before the girl raised her head from the horse's neck. The horse's ear flicked back, then the large black beast turned its head to regard her.

"He's right you know," she said quietly. "It's much too cold to be crying here."

The beast snorted softly in response and lipped the girl's shoe.

"And you're right too... We've always been alone. But we've got each other. At least sometimes."

The horse's head turned, ears perked, and then the girl heard it too. A bird call. The horse nickered softly and looked at the girl again. The girl gave the horse her slow, sad smile and shook her head.

"No, we've lost him, haven't we?"

The horse blew out a breath and started again, out over the frozen lake. The girl resumed her position laying on the beast's neck, and neither cared when the ice began to crack.

A Poem I Wrote In High School

This is a poem I wrote back in high school. Thought I'd share. Please remember that you MAY NOT reproduce this poem in ANY form without my express written consent.

Dancing With the Devil

Soft spoken words slide under the skin

Sharp as a knife, yet soft as silk.

A gentle touch glides over my body

The cool burning followed by fiery ice

To send shivers down the spine.

Mesmerizing, intoxicating,

Your words and imagery stay lodged in my mind

Wickedly whispered promises

Blow gently o'er my ear

Your lips curved in soft sardonic smile,

A velvet brush across my cheek

Your eyes glitter with shining promise

As you lean in to deliver your devil's kiss

You've won my heart, stolen my soul

And now to seal it with a kiss

It's only after I've become the empty shell,

Overrun with flowing emotion,

That I fully realize -

I've been dancing with the devil.

© Lore of http://inthelandofnod.blogspot.com

Knitting Octopi

So I've wanted to knit an octopus since forever but I can't knit on double pointed needles worth crap (at least not yet... if ever...) but I found this pattern through Ravelry.com (you must have an account to look at patterns on there, but it's free to join and there's TONS of stuff! Be warned, not all the patterns are free though.) A lot of people have their patterns available for ravelry downloads, or with links to their blogs/websites (or both). So here is the link to the blog the octopus pattern is on at Haun' Knittit for Aristotle the Octopus

The two I knitted are these ones, as baby/big sister gifts for a friend's children

The rust coloured one is actually double the size of the pattern given on Haun' Knittit. Easy enough to do, except you have to remember to make the tentacles wider - which I think I did by going Cast on 100 stitches, KB1, then K row, KB1, K row, KB1, K60 stitches then for the next 40 K2tog to end, then bind off.

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I doubt anyone really noticed lol. I'm starting to work on my new blog, which is an alternative to a webcomic since I can't draw worth crap. It will focus on a more occult theme...in and of the fact it's a blog about my plush penguin Aleister Crowley - except in this blog, it's the actual Aleister Crowley who has been trapped in the body of the plush penguin... but more on that later when that blog is actually ready to debut :-P

Also, you may have noticed I've changed the blog layout - I did this because I was rather annoyed at how long and thin my posts were, and how often I had to squish the photos down to be smaller (at least on my monitor I did, and I'm like the only one who reads this, so it might as well be something I like lol) Forgive me if the font of the old posts is small (it looks really small on my screen) I may or may not fix this... most browsers have zoom functions so you can use that if you have to lol

Occult Q&A of FAQ, Part I

Okay, so this is going to be an occult post. Despite my whole "Yeah I don't really talk about the occult" entry last time. Why? Because it amuses me, that's why. So I guess I'll answer the questions/comments I get most often. And if anyone has any, leave me a comment and I'll do another post, or whatever, and answer them.

So, the FAQs... Q = Question, C = Comment to me, A = My response

Q. So, what are you?
A. Human... what are you?

Q. So as a Wiccan...
A. I'm NOT a Wiccan...

Q. So as a Pagan...
A. I'm NOT a Pagan...

Q. So as a devil worshiper...
A. ....I *AM* The Devil... which is odd in most senses given that I'm female, but I don't expect most people to understand what I mean anyways.

C. OMG THAT'S BAD! You can't hurt anyone! Magic is all puppies and kitties and rainbows and butterflies and...
A. *takes shotgun off the wall above the mantle, and loads it* There's no hope for 'em now. 'e's sufferin'. You know we gotta do it.

Okay, but seriously now, you gotta have both sides of the equation here. The light and the dark. Sometimes the right thing is not a nice thing. Also, as a non-Wiccan/non-Neo-Wiccan/non-Neo-Pagan, take your bloody rule of three and shove it up your ass. For every action there is a reaction, for every action a consequence - and by consequence I don't mean whatever you do comes back to 3 times 3 times 3 (which by the way would be TWENETY SEVEN times better/worse than what you did, not three times) I mean that if you know if you do something not so pleasant to someone, and you're going to feel guilty and whimp out following it through, don't do it. If you know you won't be able to live with what you are going to do, don't do it. Because really, it wastes your time, and the energy, and it'll probably backfire. So I mean if you do something nasty to someone, expect results. Liiike say someone does something not so nice to you, so you hex them, and short time later, there's a car accident and their injured badly and paralyzed. There's your action, there's your reaction/consequence. It doesn't always mean the reaction/consequence will happen to YOU.

Q. Can I watch?!
A. ....What...? YOU PERV! Oooooh you mean can you watch a ritual... Um, no. Just no. I'm not running a Plagan Playtime, and we're not participating in a sport (you want that, christianity is over there, down that hallway, to the left, and third door on the right...) And even if I did let you watch, it's not like you'd understand what you were seeing anyways.

Q. Can you teach me?
A. Nope. I'm still paddling around in the pond myself, there's no way I can teach you.

Q. So if you're not Wiccan of any sort, or Pagan, what are you? Witch is rather generic.
A. Shall we just say... Your worst nightmare.... and leave it at that? Or if you don't like that, I can introduce you to my friend over there who can run you around in circles faster than you blink...

Q. ZOMFG WILL YOU DO A TAROT READING FOR ME?!?!
A. Hmmm lemme check *flips out some cards* All signs point to... No. Sedrick doesn't like you. He thinks you're an idiot. See? He said so himself *points to cards*

Q. Who is Sedrick and why do you talk to him like he's a person? You don't know anyone named Sedrick.
A. Keep your voice down, Sedrick might hear you! And of course I talk to Sedrick like he's a person. Gods know he's opinionated enough. Sedrick is my tarot deck - Crowley's Thoth to be exact. He's quite an ass and a cheeky bastard. Some days I want to rename him Trystn, but he [Sedrick] doesn't like that idea. And anyone who says a tarot deck is an inanimate object has obviously never worked with a deck that has a personality - as in it retaliates when it gets annoyed. And it insults you *shoots a dirty look at Sedrick* (He's in time out right now...)

Q. Which gods do you worship?
A. Erm... none. Not the way most Plagans do anyways. Groveling... not my style. Now some of us do however have "patron" and "matron" gods/spirits, and well, I could tell you, but that'd be telling. And they'd probably eat you for breakfast. Or maybe more like midnight snacks...

C. Tell me EVERYTHING!
A. Now why would I want to do THAT? That takes all the fun out of tormenting you.

Q. I'm Goddess-loved. What are you?
A. Ready to shoot in 3-2-1....

C. But I don't like *insert aspect of conversation/ritual/occult related thing here*...
A. ...So why are you talking to me about this, or trying to work with this...? You knew, it was going to come up/be involved...

C. I was Cleopatra in a past life!
A. Darling, we were ALL Cleopatra in a past life... (Okay, so I stole that one lol)

C. And in my past lives I've always been some form of animal and....
A. Uhhuh.... uhhuh... Zzzzzzzz... Awha?! Sorry, I dozed of--Zzzzzzzz

C. Who's your favourite author(s)? I *LOVE LOVE LOVE* Silver Ravenwolf and Fiona Horne and....
A. *Backs away slowly and reaches for the shotgun* .....
C. ...What? They're the most popular and readily available, therefore they have to be the bestest!!
A. No, no that's not how it works...

C. But as Witches/"witches" that means we can't believe in Jesus, and must go against everything that is at all related to Christianity!
A. Actually... some of Jesus' stuff wasn't too bad. Unfortunately no one else seemed to understand and it was all twisted and contorted into lovely control devices. As for the rest of it, I have no time for those who must sqwack about how "different" they are from everything else and how they're oh so original and new and different and have nothing the same. All that proves is...well...nothing. And really, depending on what you look at, oh hey, the bible proves me right and xtians wrong on things... Hmm, how interesting.

Anyways, that's all I can think of now off the top of my head... which is a lot apparently lol. It's not bed time.

End of Year 2009 Meme

So here it is, a meme to ring in the new year of 2010. I'll do a "real" post tomorrow. Maybe. If I can think of a topic lol. Not that anyone cares and all, but oh well. To all my pretend followers in my mind it will be awesome! Now onto the meme so I can go to bed! And I'm not tagging anyone, if you wanna do it, go ahead.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? Hmmmm... I... ummm... I started to teach myself shuttle-tatting :-D (Now I'm switching to needle tatting that my needles have arrived)

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't really do resolutions but my goal is some other stuff.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Aside from horses, nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Umm... semi-close, I guess, but no, not really. Not this year anyways. I think after the 4 years in high school of having 10 or 11 a year, it's not my turn for a while... The Old Man and and I will have to have some words about it I think...

5. What countries did you visit? The U.S. back in April, just a quick overnight trip for some shopping.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? A lot of things... a student file at D'AL, a lovelife, a lower number on the scale when I stand on it, less depression...

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Hmmm. My birthday because a lot of stuff happened (both good, and not so great, but stuff that happens), and a few other days

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Uuuuhhh... Personally... Letting go. Or maybe teaching myself some new knitting stuff and other crafty stuff.

9. What was your biggest failure? Take your pick. We've got the lack of a job, the lack of money, the lack of trying, the lack of a lovelife, the lack of losing weight, not being able to apply for school at King's...

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Re-injured my ankle, lots of other little ones, potentially broke a toe New Year's Eve Day lol. Had a cold, but meh, that's not that serious. Didn't get the H1N1!! (or the shot for it lol)

11. What was the best thing you bought? Hmmm. New MP3 player probably. Other than that, this sweater I picked out for mom to give me for x-mas is pretty awesome.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Errr... no one's. 2009 wasn't a good year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? A LOT of people's.

14. Where did most of your money go? Uh.. Mount Fuji for food lmao. I haven't a clue, I didn't have much this year (yay parents... *headdesk**fail*)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Probably a bunch of stuff. I was excited for my birthday, really. Even with all the bitching lol. Oh, and going to Ottawa!!! :-D

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? The Stolen Child, maybe? I dunno.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer? Ummm a bit of both, depends on the subject. Fatter. Poorer. Oh look, my life is already going downhill!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? A lot of stuff. Preferably money making stuff.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Moping, being lazy.

20. How did you spend Christmas? Christmas Eve at home my bro and his family came over, Christmas Day at home with my parents, Boxing Day at home with my sister and her family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009? With a person? Ummm Paul Gross! lmao (Although I wonder if that one is simply a rekindling of when mom and I used to Watch Due South when it was new and I was little lol.) With knitting. And some other non-related to this question's real meaning stuff.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Ummmm... Due South, Slings & Arrows, Eastwick...(anything with Paul Gross in it...), Say Yes To The Dress, Wedding SOS, Rich Bride Poor Bride...

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I strongly dislike some people this year that I didn't dislike last year.

24. What was the best book you read? Just one? Hmmmm... hard to say, but so far Shy Boy by Monty Roberts, or She Flies Without Wings: How Horses Touch A Woman's Soul. Close runner up (I haven't finished it yet though) is The Year Of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest To Follow The Bible As Literally As Possible

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Hmmmm... not sure... I had a lot lol

26. What did you want and get? New MP3 player, a pillow chair for reading in bed, a nice knitted sweater...some other stuff I'm not supposed to talk about... lol

27. What did you want and not get? A job, money, to go to King's (because I found something better!), a bunch of stuff

28. What was your favorite film of this year? PASSCHENDAELE!!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 21, and on the day of my birthday my parents and I went to the racetrack with my aunt and uncle and watched crappy nags race (yay Hiawatha being ruined by the owner...) and a couple days later when everyone was home from college/university my friends and I had a big gathering and had a Thanksgiving feast complete with BBQ hickory smoked turkey, yummy potatoes, yummy bread, yummy everything! And games! It was good :-D

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having something meaningful to do. As in something I found meaningful, and so did others. 'Cause most of the stuff I found meaningful, nobody else "approved" of.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? Comfy/frumpy lol.

32. What kept you sane? Being able to escape into my mind.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Ummm... Paul Gross? lol

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Ummm probably a lot of little ones that just made me shake my head lol.

35. Who did you miss? A few people.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Hmmm... best new person... ummm.... I don't think I can pick one lol.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. Learning that it's good and okay to let things go, and that it is also perfectly fine to let go in baby steps (baby steps make you look less crazy)

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Hmmm... Okay, here we go, this one will work. Oh, wait, no, I have two. First one is from Natalie Imbruglia's "Counting Down The Days"
"How've you been/It's just the usual here/And days are feeling like years/And every day's without you/Now I cry/Just a little too much/When i think of your touch/And everything about you"

And the second is from Regina Spektor's "Blue Lips"

He took a step, but then felt tired.
He said, "I'll rest a little while."
But when he tried to walk again,
He wasn't a child.
And all the people hurried fast,
Real fast,
And no one ever smiled.

[chorus removed to make this a bit shorter]

He stumbled into faith and thought,
"God, this is all there is?"
The pictures in his mind arose,
And began to breathe.
And no one saw, and no one heard.
They just followed the lead.
The pictures in his mind awoke,
And began to breed.

They started out beneath the knowledge tree.
Then they chopped it down to make white picket fences,
And, marching along the railroad tracks,
They smile real wide for the camera lenses.
They made it past the enemy lines
Just to become enslaved in the assembly lines.

Anti-Social Occultist - An... Explaination?

So here goes I guess. A semi occult post. I'm not going to get horribly specific in this blog about a lot of occult things, you want that, head on over to Trystn's Occult Journal. Now why is that? Because, well, for the majority of it, I just don't really think it needs to be talked about with those outside my working group (and even most of them will tell you they understand very little of what we do, 'cause I don't tell them either, really... oops...) It's really a need to know basis, as I don't enjoy having to spend an hour recaping a dozen or so stories to bring someone else up to speed just to have a 5 minute discussion on "This is why this is in this thing you have to say."

And why is this? Because, well, I'm not a teacher of the occult. Not really. Not in the way people would think. I am nowhere near ready in my own personal studies to be a teacher of that sort. I'm not an Elder (OBVIOUSLY.) My working group's members are typically not students of the occult, or if they are, it's not in the same Stream, or even in the same desires. We aren't *technically* a coven/cuveen, and that's fine at this point. I'll be honest, I do select who in my group I tell about rituals that are being planned so as to keep it to those I know I can handle it. And also, since I said we're not technically a coven/cuveen, we're also not "open for new membership" nor are we running a "playtime for the widdle fwuffie dumbdumbs" that seem to stumble across us or get introduced to us (trust me. We had one of those once. It didn't even make it past seeing the ritual in advance when the fwuffie dumbdumb had a meltdown and freaked.)

So basically, when I say I am not a teacher, and we're not really a study group, you wanna learn, you find yourself a good teacher. A good teacher typically will not be very fond of doing distance learning, they will not charge you "tuition" fees, and they shouldn't do other nasty things, like... I dunno... tell you that you MUST have sexual relations with them in order to be part of the group. It's also not a good idea to go for the groups where you pay 50 bagillion million dollars and you get to be a first level red breasted boobie-tit Elder with higher rank than anyone in any other working group (except your own, of course. You wanna be higher ranking there, you're gonna have to pay even more money to be a blue footed ankle biter Elder of a 1.5th level!) You will also be expected to work - you wanna learn, you're gonna work. You're also going to HAVE to expand your boundaries and be prepared for strange new shit to happen. Or strange shit that happened before, to happen again, but more intense. And probably more frequently.

The other reaons I don't usually talk Craft are because, well, for the majority of people in the world, no one reeeaaally understands the other's Stream. You can get pretty close, and you can learn stuff, but at the same time, you're never gonna know it all without going through it yourself. And really, in this area, the closest person with a Stream like what I'm studying, lives approximately 4000 miles away. And I'm a special case, and that's all you really need to know. But it ties in with that whole not enjoying recaping fifty billion things the person won't actually grasp in a similar fashion without a similar background to be looking at the story. It's also not that easy to make other people notice that they might just actually have to change their mindset a bit to see what you're trying to say, although some people get it, while others don't... that whole "Okay, just suppose for an instant that X actually is Y, and it then connects to Z in such a way you get a whole new letter called ZZX!" thing

The issue also includes the fwuffie dumbdumbs that like to stick their fingers in their ears and go "LALALALALALALALALA, Caaaaaaan't heeeeaaaarrrr yooooou! LALALALA! OMG! Opwesshun! Opwesshun! You're trying to force that your religion is better than mine on meeee! WAAAAAH! But wait! I can't hear you, LALALALALALALALA!!" during what was intended to be an intellegent conversation. Of course, if you can't hear me, how can you know I'm possibly trying to do that...? Oh wait, I'm not, and you're just a moron. Oh, and secondly, there IS a difference between Religion and Faith, and I'm not following a religion! But you are. But then again, you're not listening so this point is moot and all we've really achieved is showing your inner cry baby spoiled brat toddler of an inner child, and I have (not so)strange desires to aim a rocket launcher at your head and say "Hasta la vista, baby" in a bad German accent while I depress the trigger. I also love it when they demand proof for something, and upon being given said proof, they go "I do not want regurgitated opinions! I want my own!" Oh yes. Because links to different books online are toootally opinions. Especially when trying to show "So and so copied the idea from so and so, who wrote it A HUNDRED YEARS BEFORE THAT."

I also just LOVE the people I call "Collectors." You know those people on FB who you've never spoken to in ANY form (ie, they're a friend of a friend on FB, and they were a friend of that person's friend, etc etc etc on and on and on until you find a real life friendship that spawned others, but you've never spoken to this person at all on message boards, or in group discussions online, on friends' statuses or anything) and this person you've never spoken to, friends you. Never says anything to you, but they friend you. And then they proceed to friend all your friends with potential occult ties. It's like we're figurine dolls or something - "Witch Streams of the World - Collect the whole set!" And then the person is on your F-list foooreeever, and never saying anything. But they want you to fan every fucking witchy page, or be involved in every little witchy application. Or the ones who just seem to do it for shameless promotion of their pagan business. It's just kind of like "Hmmm... Really. Have you read my profile? I live halfway around the world from you, I'm a Dressmaking and Design student who has been sewing since I was able to hold a plastic needle without injuring myself, I'm also artsy and crafty... I do everything you do, and in some cases, I do it A LOT better..." I also love the people who come along going "I am/have done _____! Fawn over me and fall at my feet!" It's just like "OMG, SRSLY?!?! I'm in AWE! ...Oh, wait, no... that's just my brain shutting down as it melts from the wafting fwuffie dumbdumb idiocy..."

On the other hand, the reason I don't reeaaaally talk to a lot of the non-fwuffie dumbdumb occultists is because, well, compared to a lot of them, I'm basically a baby in swaddling, as a good friend and mentor once said. I don't mind listening, but I know one sided conversations get very... unencouraging after a while. I will listen, and hopefully learn, but at the same time, when I have no clue what they mean because I haven't read that book, or experienced something, or just had no general clue that even existed, it makes for a very slow, one sided conversation. I also don't really enjoying not being able to hold my own, or feeling like I'm bothering someone, or the constant "Oooh, so and so talked about that, and they said *insert basic regurgitation here*" And sometime regurgitation isn't bad, but when it always seems to be regurgitation because I have no freaking clue, it makes me feel dumb, and that I'm coming across as dumb. And that is not really what I want. That is not a good learning environment. I try to not mindlessly regurgitate, I try to have my own thoughts and opinions on it, but I hate the fact it's possibly coming across as complete mindless regurgitation.

Aaanyways, I think this is a long enough rant/explaination as to why I don't really enjoy talking about the occult/why I don't do a lot of it. But I also really don't have a clue what to post really... Any topic suggestions...? I may also bug my mentor and be like "Haaaalp.... is bored, want to write, give me essay topic...!" (Yes, it's true. After high school I am soo totally stuck on writing essays and only essays... blargh. One day I will get my creative back! lol)

SO! Happy Yule, and GET OFF MY LAWN! (Or comment, I like those... usually.)

Ahhh Relief...

So Tuesday was my mom's luncheon, and in total I had 12 adult sized hats knitted, 3 kids sized ones, a scarf I knitted a while back, and a pair of tiny child sized store bought mitts. Apparently one of the ladies asked if I needed more yarn - my mother politely declined lol. Hopefully this has inspired some of the ladies to try a bit harder/do a bit more - Mom says some of them show up with 2 pairs of mitts from the dollar store and think they've saved the world (and it's not like spending more than $2 would hurt them, if you know what I mean...) I'm thinking that when I get bored I'll just knit some more of these hats and stockpile them for next year.... I may very well need more yarn after all lol.

The storm from last week seems to have cleared a bit. But that is good. I freaked, I know I did, and it didn't end well on a few fronts, but those have been understood and repaired (I hope...) And after the storm, the answer seems rather obvious. I've missed horses a lot. In the past week or two I have watched like every single horse movie on Youtube (which is A LOT.)

Tomorrow/later today I'm hoping mom will be well enough to go shopping and to the post office (the pizza we had for supper isn't agreeing with her, nor is it agreeing with dad. Must have been the meat - I'm not feeling too bad, and I had a veggie pizza tonight, so it must have been the meat.) I have 6 packages to mail off. Yay Christmas/Yule!

And since I'm going to the post office, that means my quilt is DONE!! YAAAY! It has some boo-boos, but I don't care. It adds character. Not that it doesn't have that already. It's also fiesty and fights back when boxed...as evidenced by the sheer amount of tape holding the box closed lol. And now photos to finish! (Remember to click for bigger images, photobucket wasn't cooperating so I actually had to upload these ones to Blogspot)

Quilt front, features water, land, sky, and a Tree of Life/World Tree with oghams. The sky is quilted with 4 pointed star designs, and the water is quilted with swirls and bubbles. The green edges just have a straight line border design.


Quilt back. The designs don't really show up on the backing in this photo.

Rough Week

It all went BOOM today. Been stirring since about Tuesday, after the tour, in which I found out I'm not eligible to apply to university until at least 2011. And if I do apply and get in, it's going to take me an extra year or two to complete the course. Joy. Don't have that kinda time, or the cash. Sooo here's hoping I didn't completely shoot down my chances for getting back into the local college.

That may sound good - but it's not. Not really. Mainly because I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I can't imagine doing any one career/job for my whole life.

I thought I was getting better, but the hacking cough is still hanging around, as is the runny nose, and the sore throat has returned, and it seems to be toying with the idea of going after my ear too. Fuuuuck. I don't think bawling my eyes out is helping either, but who knows.

Fuck, at the rate I've been going this week, I fucked up pretty much every aspect of my life. I have no life really. I'm alive, but that's not a life. Thought I was managing to work through shit, but nope. Still there, rearing it's ugly head and causing everything to go BOOM, and crumble and collapse.

Everything I touch turns to shit.

----
Hat Knitting Update

In the 11 (now 12, technically) days I've been knitting to make hats for my mom's ladies luncheon, I have 10 teen/adult hats, 3 child's hats, we scrounged up a scarf I knitted a while back. This brings the day count to 11 and the hat/scarves to 14. We also found an infant/young child sized pair of mitts we'd bought that don't fit my neices, so the total items to go so far is 15.

Let's see how this turns to shit now...

----

Amendment: Okay, so, right now, even my pillow is betraying me or telling me to cheer up - I bawled my eyes out and the tear stains made a smiley face. A.J. is inhabiting my pillow... EEK! lol.

Hopefully, I am done crying. I'm hoping I am - this is wreaking havoc on my throat *sigh* I'm kind of letting myself cry if I want to though - getting it out of my system and then hopefully think rationally soon. I need some better form of catharsis/or outlet in general. I cry and everyone calls me emo. Yeah, that's right, I make a comment ebout my crying kind of being like bleeding out the poison, and I get called emo. I'm never using a metaphor or a simile again! (which will be horribly boring, and won't last long, but oh well!) Besides, if I was emo, it wouldn't be bleeding out the poison, it'd be CRYING BIG TEARS OF BLOOD AND THAT IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!! And there'd be lots of messy eyeliner and cutting! (And yes, I'm aware I made wishing for death comments at one point today, but we all know if I wanted to kill myself I wouldn't sit around talking about it!) And yes Darien, I know this doesn't help my not being emo argument. But I'm not trying to blame any of this on anyone. It happens. It kind of feels like being bucked off a horse and trampled on at the moment, but it happens. Therefore, I am not emo!

And this wasn't meant to turn into a rant about emo-ness... but it does make me seem horribly bi-polar... but anyways. Here's hoping that I'm done and moving on at any rate... And I really need to stop randomly attacking Trystn during these fits. It's not nice, and he doesn't like it... and it really doesn't make me happy either. Sorry Trystn. Of course I apologize to him on the blog...which he never reads... brillliant... Anyways, I'm going to bed now.

Anecdote

Once upon a time I wrote a love letter. And then another day I burned it. It had never mattered what I wanted, or what I felt, no matter what he said.
The End.


Le Voile - Sulamith Wulfing

Stress Stress Stress and More Stress

It's that time of year again. Or still. Something like that. Although most of my Christmas shopping is done, so it doesn't matter there lol.

My hat goal is changing, as mom's luncheon is about 10-15 days earlier than I expected it to be - it's on Dec. 1st. I'm still going to knit as much as I can, and we've also raided some of my older knitting for scarves and unfinished pieces to be taken apart for yarn because I plenty of those from when I was starting to knit. So far though, since my last post on Wednesday the 18th, I've knitted 5.5 hats (the .5 is the one I'm working on right now) and we've got one scarf (haven't raided the other finished projects, and I knitted a lot of scarves to be given away, or they didn't get finished so we disassembled them.) My yarn collection is shrinking, and in some cases I wonder about actually using the yarn for this project because I don't know how men (since the items are going to a men's mission) would react to the colour of the yarn - i.e. dark purple, or more "girlie" colours. That could just be me being a worrywort, but just because they are in need of the items doesn't mean they will enjoy wearing an item, and I mean, I don't want the icky nasty people-who-are-the-scum-of-the-earth-and-don't-deserve-to-be-called-people to beat someone up because they're wearing some girly hat I knitted because it was all the shelter had and they needed it. I would hope that wouldn't happen, but recently there's been a bit of a jump in hate crimes, and my brain thinks too much and I would hate to be part of the reason someone got beat up or something. But as I said, not that that will happen.

I got a university tour confirmed for Tuesday. Hopefully I get over this cold by then, or else it could suck a lot. I've been rethinking thanatology, but until I get in there and find out who I can talk to (which means most of my questions won't be answered Tuesday, but that's okay because they use student tour guides, and they may at least be able to point me in the right direction) and find out what my career options are afterwards, or if I need to do like... psychology AND thanatology or what.

Of course with my second guessing myself - which happens even more when I'm sick and feeling crappy - comes people's true opinions. Like I really shouldn't go into it because my mood won't improve because my brain hasn't had enough time. To be honest, I've kind of always been like this. Although having 45 people die in 4 years is rather rough, but sometimes that's just how it goes. It takes time to get through, but unfortunately, it doesn't "go away." And when you have a lot of people dropping dead at once, everything kind of gets supressed. The reason I chose thanatology was half as therapy, and half because people come to me for advice and for help. Often times this is related to death. My mom thinks it's a good idea because I am pretty much already doing it. I say I'm doing it because I'm tired of all the whining grieving idiots who get stuck in the "I refuse to let go!" and "I must be a selfish brat for the rest of my life!" stages. And I should know. I was there/am there. I have dealt with family members who are/were there. I think the main reason I don't want to go through with it is because I'm just doubting myself and my own abilities to do it, and there's so little information on it that I can find that I don't know exactly what will be required of me. I don't want to spend $30,000 getting a degree I can't use because I have to do another degree first/after. I can't afford that. Fuck, I can't even afford the $30,000 to get a thanatology degree. I'm going to sell my soul for it pretty much. But I shall wait and see who I can talk to about it etc. I will look into and apply for scholarships...at least that doesn't have to be done within a month or less, that can be done later, once I've applied and been accepted.

Anyways, my sick muddled brain has lost train of thought so I'm going to watch more horsie movies on Youtube and knit while I blow through forest after forest of kleenexes.

Hats, Lots of Hats

So my goal for the end of November and beginning part of December is to knit as many hats as I can. One a day, hopefully.

My mother is part of their church's ladies group. And Every Christmas they get together and have lunch. They used to do a Secret Santa type thing where everyone brought in a small gift and the numbers were matched up, or some such. Then they decided to change that and now they bring in bags of hats, mittens/gloves, scarves etc and they donate them to the Men's Mission, or another charity similar to it.

My dad, having seen all of my knitting for Christmas/Yule presents, and also being forced into being a pattern dummy for sizing for the things I changed from a ladies pattern to a mens and wanted to ensure a fit, suggested that since I was knitting them for something to do (Wrong, I was knitting for Christmas gifts!) that I knit up a bunch for my mom to take to the luncheon for her contribution to the charities.

Well, today I asked mom if she wanted me to do that and she said sure. No wonder why, she then handed me a massive bag of yarn and said "Knock yourself out." We're talking something size of a garbage here folks. Some of it I wouldn't knit hats for guys out of (like the super fuzzy bright purple stuff), but most of it will work well. So, the goal now is to knit one hat a day basically. Each one takes me a few hours.

The pattern I use is this one here, just a very simple ribbed hat.
http://www.bevscountrycottage.com/hatnmitts.html

And another plus side to this - it gets the yarn out of the house for us since we probably wouldn't use most of it (yay impulse buys...) and it goes to a good cause :-)

I think I have about a month until the Christmas luncheon... so I should be able to get 20-30 hats done. I think I shall set a numerical goal at 25. A bit less than a month, but since I don't know exactly when the luncheon is, that works, and it gives me a couple days grace to rest my hands/wrists, or for the days when I just don't have time/energy/health or whatever to knit.

So, total count so far - 1 of 25

We Remember

WARNING: Contains touching images. Maybe not ones that will touch you in a nice way like puppies and kittens. But they will be posted, and I cannot hide them behind a cut like on LiveJournal. All the photos below were taken by myself and cannot be reposted anywhere without my written consent. Some of these photos are photos I took of other photos, and in those cases, I will say so, and all rights etc belong to the person who originally took it (but the War Museum allows you to take photos in their exhibits, so I thought I would share for those who won't be going there - which is most of you who read this lol)


National War Memorial in Ottawa, ON, Canada.


Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Ottawa, ON, Canada


Soldiers standing around an inukshuk (The traditional meaning of the inukshuk is "Someone was here" or "You are on the right path.") Photo taken in the Canadian War Museum in Ottawa, ON, Canada


Crosses in a WWI cemetary in Europe.... crosses, row on row..... Photo is in a scrapbook in the Canadian War Museum in Ottawa, ON


Another Canadian cemetary in Europe from WWI. Photo is part of a slideshow/info on a computer at the War Museum in Ottawa. The angle was not the best :-/


Burial mound on a battlefield in WWI. Photo also part of a slideshow/info on a computer at the War Museum in Ottawa.


Bodies on the battlefield in WWI. Photo also part of slideshow/info on a computer at the War Museum.


The famous poem, In Flanders Fields, on the wall of the Memorial Chamber in the Center Block of the Parlaiment Buildings on Parlaiment Hill in Ottawa, ON, Canada.

Do you remember?